I’ll Only Play Sports That Make Me Look Cool

Posted: April 16, 2009 by Cindia G. Leonard in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Sigourney knows how to hibernate and still stay thin.

The weather is finally getting warmer here in Syracuse, NY and I love it. After so many winter months freezing my ass off, I feel like this is my time. Now some may be lead to believe that you should really workout hard during the winter months to get your body ready for “bikini weather,” but I think that’s bullshit.

When it started getting colder I couldn’t think of doing anything but staying in, eating, and sleeping under several blankets. It was like my own hibernation period and I have the blubber to prove it. Now that the weather is finally warming up I actually feel motivated to get outside and do something.

With the sun calling I have to decide what sport/activity I’m going to take up. I hate the gym, you probably knew that. The gym to me feels like a waste of time. You stay inside with all these people who are obsessed with going to the gym. They are all already thin/fit, fuckers. Plus I’m not going into the gym until I buy some sexy workout clothes. A friend of mine just told me that she lost 9 pounds swimming but I don’t do laps. So what do I do?  Well, I only want to play sports that make me look cool.

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Jeff Daniels looking like a douche bag.

After watching indie flicks like The Royal Tenenbaums and The Squid and The Whale , I’ve decided that tennis is really fucking cool. Think about it. Everyone wants to look like a douche bag slacker these days and nothing says douche bag like playing tennis. All the kids are doing it and I want in.

Another sport I’ve deemed cool/hot is bowling. I know what you are thinking, old people, but actually bowling can be pretty intense. You have to lug around a 10+ pound ball, unless you are pussy/bitch, and actually be coordinated enough to hit something other than onlookers.  Tough.

Other sports that I could take up that seem low-impact/hipster cool are cricket, golf, ping-pong. The list just goes on and on.

– Cindia Gonzalez

Comments
  1. Katie says:

    If you really want to be a douchbag hipster, you’ll join a kickball league like the rest of us. Just sayin’.

  2. Dan says:

    Actually, nothing about tennis says douche bag. Bowling maybe. Tennis players are up there with soccer players as some of the most physically fit, at least, as far as endurance goes.

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