Master Cleanse, Master Shit

Posted: April 11, 2009 by Cindia G. Leonard in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

A couple of weeks ago a close friend of mine decided that we should do a master cleanse together.  This decision came after we had shamelessly gone to a chinese buffet twice in one week.  Now what I love about my friend, and admire in myself,  is the fact that he and I aren’t afraid of eating really big.


Here are just a few ingredients you'll need for the cleanse, like laxative tea.

For those who don’t know, the master cleanse is a kind of fast you go on for 10 to 40 days.  You eat and drink nothing except for this strange lemonade.  The ingredients in this lemonade include cayenne pepper and maple syrup.  Doing the diet isn’t too complicated, if you don’t count the laxative tea and giving yourself enemas by drinking gallons of warm salt water.

The lemonade supposedly washes your insides out of bad bacteria, diseases, toxins, and lots of crap.  I bought the little booklet that is supposed to guide you through the cleanse, “The Master Cleanse” by Stanley Burroughs, and was told that if I ever threw up or had a horrible day when I couldn’t move it was just the lemonade doing it’s job.

Now, I could rant all day about taking dumps, but to make it brief let me just say that I love it. Taking a crap is my favorite time of the day.  Now my doctor once told me that you should have three bowel movements a day. After a little research I’ve read that you can also have as little as three BMs a week and still be considered healthy.  Good stuff.

The toxins in your body have only two ways to get out. You get what I’m saying, right?  Taking a 10-day-long crap has its pros and cons.  I read some testimonials but after a week of really considering it, I just couldn’t give up eating.  I’ve never been the crash diet type and I don’t think I ever will be.

The diet promises that you’ll lose 2+ pounds a day of fat, which would have been like a dream come true but not eating, taking monster dumps, being in pain, throwing up, and all any other complications that could come up just turned me off.  I guess I’ll have to learn to lose weight the old fashion way.

– Cindia Gonzalez

  1. acrock says:

    I was almost rolling on the floor from this! I am trying to tone up and the motivation to head to the gym is hard enough! This diet sounds Crazy! but good luck on the losing weight! I am sure you will find a way to do it, possibly as far from a toilet as possible.

  2. essjayvee says:

    Wait, you do or you don’t like taking fat dumps?
    You know I love a good productive BM.
    I’m still thinking of trying the Master Cleanse, especially after eating and drinking my entire afternoon away today at Easter Brunch.

    Who’s that hot tranny in the video?

  3. cindiagonzalez says:

    You know me. I love taking fat dumps and feeling really thin.

    I think about it all the time but then, like today with the easter brunch, I wonder if I can really stop eating for 10 days when I love the taste of sweet ham in my mouth? You know what I mean?

    I don’t know who the hot tranny is but her videos are all over youtube. You should check her out because she had me fooled.

  4. Katie says:

    Wait… girls poop?

  5. Katie says:

    FYI Cindia, I love your blog. They’ve been consistently kickass.

  6. cindiagonzalez says:

    awww katie thanks.

  7. Sam says:

    For those of us that love to poo, today is our calling: Poop for Peace Day.

    “Empathy through excrement. Brotherhood through bowel movement.”

  8. cindiagonzalez says:

    I love pooping for peace. I’ll poop for other causes if I need too.

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