Tears in Heaven

Posted: March 5, 2009 by Cindia G. Leonard in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I’ve been pretty calm about this whole weight gain thing for a while now.  I wasn’t going to freak out about it because like I’ve said before, I’ve always been a big girl.  I’ve worn sizes from 11 up to 18.  I know the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to being a fatty.

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Little Nicole Richie knows how to pull off that skeletal look.

But don’t let the media fool you.  There is no perfect size, no perfect weight. And those height/weight tables are ludicrous.  If it was up to that thing at my height, 5’2″, I should weigh something like 100 lbs. 100 lbs.! You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. With my frame and these hips, I would probably look like a Holocaust victim.

So I’ve kind of gotten over the whole being “the right size.”  I know that my body would look the best if I weighed between 155 and 165.  But I don’t weigh that anymore. Thanks to my bad habits, and maybe the hormones in birth control, I’m dangerously close to 200 lbs., way too fucking close.

What drives me insane about the weight I’ve gained is that I’ve been fatter.  Maybe not this close to weighing 200 lbs. but a size 18 ain’t tiny.  My clothes still fit, although a little tight.  

It finally got to me on Saturday.  I did what I normally do.  I took a shower and then checked myself out nude in front of a mirror in broad daylight. What? That’s weird?  Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I don’t have it going on.  I mean I’m hot, get over it. Anyways, when I was looking in the mirror I saw the stretch marks.

Stretch marks are God’s little way of telling you that you’ve gotten too fat for your skin.  I don’t care the clinical reasons for stretch marks; all I know is that they are horrible.  I’ve never had a stretch mark in my life.  I’m telling you, I’m like the luckiest fat girl in the world.  But now they are all over the front of my stomach, where my new gut is.

Maybe because I’m a little older my body can’t bounce back from this and that is why these stretch marks have appeared.  All I know is that even if I lose the weight they will never go away.

This was around the time in my reasoning that I broke down crying, complete hysterics, completely naked.

I might put up a strong front but in this battle with the bulge; Bulge: 1, Cindia: Big Fat 0.

-Cindia Gonzalez

Comments
  1. kabenn03 says:

    stretch marks can and do go away, i promise.

  2. ajc says:

    they fade but thanks to my horrible skin elasticity and three babies later i gots the stretch marks too and it ain’t adorable at all. they fade but if they are still pink they can be completely gone with the right cream but if they are the silver kind they are yours forever. I gots mine and i doubt you’ll see this skinny chick in a two piece.

  3. Tony says:

    Fat chicks give me a boner.

  4. cindiagonzalez says:

    Wow… I don’t know what kind of stretch marks I have. I’m hoping that kabenn03 and ajc are right about these stretch marks going away.

    I can’t really tell what color they are since, you know, I’ve got this damn cocoa brown skin. It’s like I’m too brown to blush and too brown to see what color my stretch marks are.

    Anyways… Tony I’m glad that someone out there is getting a boner from all this. Rock out with your cock out.

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