Hostel Horrors

Posted: February 25, 2009 by Katie in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

An advertisement in Amsterdam, with some obvious editing

An advertisement in Amsterdam, with some obvious editing

I arrived in Amsterdam this weekend after a bitchingly early flight, eager to take a nap in my hostel. After what seemed like decades of wrong turns, we finally found the Marnix Hostel. The entire building was covered in white plastic and scaffolding. Not exactly the warm Dutch welcome I had hoped for.

Turns out, we weren’t in the 6-person room we booked after all. We slept in a glorified cubicle and shared a basement room with 50 other people. The “walls” were only 6 feet high, and the gap between that and the ceiling was merely covered with a thin layer of mesh. We could hear everything. If someone sneezed, or more often, farted down the hall, we were the first to hear it. Joy. Worse still, everybody’s room key could open any door.

Our first night, I heard some suspiciously loud panting from a room across the hall. Ignore it, Katie, I said to myself. But then came the soft “Oh god, oh god.” Before their party finished however, the floor’s door burst open, and in piled hoards of obnoxious Brits. The hour was 4am.

You know what the problem with Brits is, you're the first one they would try braces on....

You know what the problem with Brits is, you're the first one they would try braces on....

“Leo! Hi I think I know you!” a Brit named BJ sang repeatedly. And by sang, I mean belted in a creepy sing-song voice. The ruckus continued for 20 more minutes, despite the chorus of “Shh” echoing across our floor. Enough is enough, I decided. I rolled out of bed, clad in Minnie Mouse pajamas, and banged out their door. The infamous BJ, a dopey 15-year-old with a mouth full of braces, opened it.

“Hi, sorry to bother you but—”

“Oh! Are you American?!”

“Yes, I was wondering if you could please—”

“You know what the problem with America is?” he belted. “It’s full of Americans!”

Later that night I awoke to a drunken fool unlocking our door. A random Irish man stumbled in, took a brief look around, and said “Uhhh I think maybe my room looks kinda full.” With that, he left us.

And that, my friends, is the essence of my stay at the Marnix Hostel. Lesson learned: do some fucking research before booking a room in Amsterdam. Although the cheap rate of 15 euro per night seems enticing, it may cost you your sanity.

~Katie Allyn

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  1. Matt says:

    What’s with all the drunks? I didn’t think that was the point of going to Amsterdam.

    Also, get some cheap ear plugs for hostel stays. They’ll improve your night exponentially.

  2. Liam says:

    The Globe Hotel is a grime-fest as well. Lots and lots of sketchy hostels and the people to fill em – just gotta go have such a good time you can’t help but pass out.

  3. Julia says:

    My hostel in Amsterdam was right smack-dab in the middle of red light district…but I don’t think my 18-person room compares to this. Did you enjoy the symphony of snores and variety of body odors?

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