Plight of the Granny Panty

Posted: February 19, 2009 by E in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

What to do when your boyfriend (or barfriend, we’re not here to judge) unexpectedly springs the deed on you when you’re wearing none-other than your favorite faded-ass, flower-print, 1998 throwback granny panties:

These should be illegal

These should be illegal

1. Ponder for a moment about why such a thing still exists in your life. Then mentally slap yourself. The only excuse for skivs like these is PMS, and even then you should feel guilty. Your vagina deserves better.

2. If you’re out and about, your best option is to politely excuse yourself from whatever it is you’re doing, make a B-line for the bathroom, drop your drawers, stuff ‘em in your purse, and head back to the party. When he discovers your dirty little secret, just smile coyly and act like it was all part of your master plan.

3. If you’re anywhere near a shower, get there. Tell him to give you 5 minutes to freshen up before joining you, and voila! I’m sure you can figure out the rest.

4. Lights off is always a good way to go—especially if you’re still in the awkward, “don’t look at me,” blind leading the blind stage. Simply shimmy them off with your jeans before he has a chance to, and you’ll be a-okay. Just make sure not to trip yourself if you’re workin’ the maneuver vertically, and if you’re already in the sack (or wherever your loins have led you), proceed with caution. Nothing ruins a good vibe like a knee to the nuts!

5. My fifth and final word to the wise is to go with it. If he loves you, likes you, or really just wants to get laid, uggo undies aren’t gonna slow him down.

Keep it sexy, Syracuse! x

–Erin Williams

Comments
  1. AshleyY says:

    I like #5 the best. I feel like this blog makes me feel bad about myself because I always wear granny panties and my boyfriend doesn’t really mind because he wants me to be comfortable. Society is so caught up in wearing lingerie and doing w/e we need to “please the guy”…even if it’s a one night stand. So not cool.

  2. Lorna says:

    Ashley, honey, your boyfriend is cheating on you if he says he’s ok with the granny panties.
    AND wearing sexy underwear makes YOU feel sexy – we’re all innately selfish.
    PLUS, boyshorts, bikini briefs, etc. are all the rage these days and don’t make you look like a time capsule. So shimmy out of the sixties (B.C) and buy a pair – society, at least is caught up.

  3. E says:

    Ashley, I’m sure your boyfriend loves you very much…but I seriously doubt he loves the grannies. Giving your undies an upgrade isn’t about “pleasing the guy” anyway, it’s about feeling sexy, comfortable, and confident in your own skin. If raggedy Hanes do that for ya, then by all means, please, continue rockin’ the retros. But just so we’re clear, there are options a plenty between the realms of granny and “lingerie.” A simple thong or some boy-shorts would suffice just fine.

    thanks for the comments!!

  4. zac cummings says:

    so i may be the only guy who read the granny pantie post…not sure what that says about me. so i’ll change the subject to…thongs. how do you ladies wear those things? THAT’S commitment!

  5. cindiagonzalez says:

    Thongs are just butt floss. Any girl who tells you that wearing them is a) comfortable or b) makes them feel sexy is either lying of seriously deranged.

  6. andreaL says:

    I completely agree..thongs are awful and I hate wearing them! This is sexist

  7. PMFL says:

    I love being a barfriend!

  8. Kate says:

    boy shorts are cute too, although i’ve found some comfortable thongs, you don’t want to go running in them though..eeek!

  9. Clare says:

    Personally, I wear a thong everyday. I don’t find them uncomfortable, I rarely even notice them. I wear them because I truly believe that sexy underwear makes you feel sexy.

    xoxo, ya’ll!

  10. Katie says:

    ROCK THE COMMANDO! It’s way sexier than the sauciest panties, my friends.

  11. June says:

    Meh! they are comfortable. And that counts for something, especially when you are single. LOL! I came your blog while ‘researching’ granny panties. I just recently wrote about the sheer pleasure of wearing them!

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