Smoke on the Water

Posted: February 13, 2009 by Michael Leess in POP - pop culture
Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Like a fish out of bong water.

Like a fish out of bong water.

Since the buzz of the 2008 Summer Olympics wore off, I bet Michael Phelps has had plenty of free time on his hands.  The title of ‘Greatest Olympian in History’ doesn’t come with any real job description-it’s more of an honorary thing-and while he’s got his heart in the right place, a guy can only spend so many hours a day giving thumbs-up to cameras with Make-A-Wish kids.  People probably said, “Hey, Michael, you really need a hobby.”  I’d agree with them, but smoking marijuana isn’t exactly what I had in mind.

If you haven’t seen it yet, I’m sure everyone has heard by now:  A picture of the 14-time Olympic gold medallist lighting and hitting a bong has spread all over the Internet, along with all of the web-junk accoutrements.  A favorite “ad” of mine, with Phelps as poster boy, rhetorically asks world-class athletes, “When it comes time to relax, why put your body through the proven harmful effects of alcohol?  Become a pot smoker!” Michael tried to yank our chain, claiming that he’d been, in the words of White Goodman, “breaking a mental sweat as well,” through learning Chinese with the Rosetta Stone computer program that he’s been hawking.  Well, you didn’t fool me in the first place, Mike – and now you’ve gone and blown your cover altogether.

Now, I’m not here to judge the man.  We’re all entitled to some mistakes in our lives.  I’m sure Phelps, suspended from swimming competitively for three months, will emerge from this little scandal a bit wiser and more mature than before.  But really, dude, I don’t think it takes the brainpower of a Fastskin Speedo body suit designer to have the sense not to gamble your idol-hood-not to mention your career-on a few hours of fun.  Who do the swimming youth of the world have to look up to now?  Flipper?  I thought not.

As if all the negative media attention hasn’t been bad enough, cereal titan Kellogg’s is terminating Phelps’s advertising contract, claiming, “Michael’s most recent behavior is not consistent with the image of [our company].”  Mr. Phelps would probably disagree, though, as I’m sure many of his ‘sessions’ have culminated in more than a couple bowls of Froot Loops.  Subway, too, doubts it will renew Phelps’s deal.  I guess your stash isn’t the only thing going up in smoke, eh Mike?

~ Michael Leess

  1. izapcic says:

    I liked the post. I think this whole thing has gone way too far. Check out my post about it:

  2. Timmy says:

    This country has got to get its priorities figured out!! Alcohol and Tabacco Kill more innocent people EVERY YEAR! Marijuana will NEVER KILL in a million years. I don’t think you can find one single case of an OVER DOSE!!! LEAVE PHELPS ALONE AND FOCUS ON REAL EVENTS LIKE GLOBAL WARMING AND THE ECONOMY.

  3. Mount_Prion says:

    can’t jerk write about something that isn’t, you know, michael phelps? this post is so long and yet says almost nothing.

  4. Sarah says:

    I think the media need to focus on other things than a 23-year-old acting like GASP! GOD FORBID.. a 23-year-old. The guy’s worked himself to the ground for the past five years and just wants to return to a time when he could light up without sending society in a frenzy. Let him be.

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