Elderly Couple Retires, Secedes From Union

Posted: October 15, 2008 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives

Donna and Joel Brinkle, of Geneva, Florida, nearing retirement after about 70 years of not sticking it to the man, made a decision we’ve all considered at one time or another: they declared themselves a sovereign nation. 

Apparently, it’s just that easy. 

The couple, reports The Orlando Sentinel, stopped paying taxes in the 1990s and declared themselves independent of the United States government.

Donna Brinkle sticks it to man, wears floral.

Above: Donna Brinkle sticks it to man, wears floral.

After the declaration, the Brinkles lost their five-acre estate to Seminole County and the IRS took most of their money. Now, Florida’s attorney general is sueing them for fraud and harrassment over a lien they filed against four Seminole County officials. 

In legal jargon, a lien is basically a claim of, “I’m taking your land.” 

Yes, the Brinkles have begun conquering. 

Unfortunately, the liens are worthless unless done by an attorney or with a court order. Nevertheless, the Brinkles have filed more than two dozen of them in past six years. They filed one against a company that towed their vehicle, against a court clerk who asked for a mandatory fee, and President Bill Clinton, because, I can only assume, they wanted the White House. 

For some inexplicable reason, the Brinkles have not been arrested for their fraudulant liens, nor for their refusal to pay taxes for the past ten or so years. Joel has been arrested several times, however, for driving without a license and once for contempt of court. 

The couple claims that US authorities have no right to prosecute them under US law because of their sovereign status. 

And in case things weren’t appearing crazy enough, the Brinkles tried, in February, to purchase a $700,000 house—with homemade money. Donna defends the validity of the money, because, as the leader of a sovereign nation, she has the power to create her own monetary system.

An artist’s rendering of the Brinkle’s monetary system.

An artist’s rendering of the Brinkles' monetary system.

When a judge ruled that the money was, in fact, completely insane, the Brinkles, in an unprecedented turn of events, filed a lien against him. It’s about at this point that you may want to check the legal status of your property. There’s a decent chance the Brinkles have already claimed it. 

The only thing missing from this story is a name for their newly created nation. Brinklelandia? Brinkletopia? Bullshit? 

Source: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/seminole/orl-antitax1408oct14,0,2415927.story?page=2 

Whack-Ass Honorable Mentions: 

“Cambodian couple saw house in half in divorce”

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2008/10/10/international/i040641D40.DTL 

Deny claims of “being cartoons.” 

And meanwhile, in the Hall of Absurdly-Named Children… 

“Baby named Sarah McCain Palin”

http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=66550&catid=2 

No, she is not the offspring of a scandalous and horrifying McCain-Palin tryst. But I assume this—what can only be called a super-maverick—will one day be the arch nemesis of my son, Zorro McBatman Adams.

~Kyle Adams

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Dougie Fresh says:

    lol how did i miss this p;ost before? reallu fuuny

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s