Posted: October 2, 2008 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives

What’s more American than apple pie? Tattooing the American flag on your face, that’s what. The Seattle Post-Intelligence recently reported on Sam Bloomfield, a 58-year-old man living in Everett, Washington, who has covered his face in an American flag tattoo, with “Land of the Free” printed under his right eye and “God Bless America” under his left. “USA” is literally stamped on his forehead – in red, white, and blue ink.


The only place in the world where this is awesome

The United States of America: The only place in the world where this is awesome

Bloomfield immigrated to the United States from American Samoa in the late 1970s. His (almost sadly) unironic love for the US led him to paint his house red and white, then add a blue roof. He sports a yellow “Support Our Troops” ribbon tattooed on his back. 

In a country overwhelmingly disillusioned with its president and doubting our legitimacy on the world stage, Bloomfield is a strange, and strangely sad, little outpost of unfettered patriotism.

“America is the best country in the world!” he said in the article. “America is like a police officer, stepping in to make others shake hands.”

Remembering the poverty of his childhood in Samoa, Bloomfield praises the economic opportunities in the US and says that he’s proud to work for his paycheck. He wrote to President Bush to thank him for his economic stimulus check and ask how the government might handle the (then looming) economic crisis.

Bloomfield’s appearance may be unnerving at first, but it’s his—I hate to be condescending, but—naïve optimism that leaves a lingering feeling of pity. One keeps waiting for the sarcasm, for the reveal, for the moment when he can’t keep the gag going any longer and cracks up laughing in the reporter’s face. But it never happens. He just keeps smiling through his American flag, genuinely loving this country.

That shouldn’t be as unsettling as it is.

Source: r

 Whack-Ass Shit Honorable Mentions:

“Officials track down monkey thief by checking his MySpace page” (

I didn’t read this story, because I like to believe it is actually a monkey they’re after, and that that monkey has a MySpace page.

“Octopuses given Rubik’s Cube to find out if they have a favorite tentacle” ( researchers are also working on a proposal to give octopuses oversized hats to “see how silly they look.”

~Kyle Adams


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