Zac does abroad, pt. 1

Posted: February 28, 2008 by jerkmag in VAULT -- archives
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Hello, Jerks! Greetings from London! This is the first installment of what we hope will be a long-running tradition here at Jerk: the Jerk Does Abroad London blog. OK, the title needs some help, but we’ve got people working on that. Meanwhile, I’ll be banging out a weekly rant about my travels in the hopes someone out there gives a shit. Metaphorically, of course.

Um…I’m not sure where to begin. Should I tell you about the famous London Tube, or the infamous CCTV cameras mounted on every street corner? Do I tell you about the street performers in Covent Garden, or the free music concerts at the National Theatre? Or should I try to explain this picture:

zac london 2-28

Maybe another time. For now I’ll limit this rant to London’s atmosphere. London is like nothing else I’ve ever seen. People who have been to New York City say it’s a lot like London, but I don’t believe them. Unlike the City, London is short on skyscrapers. Little shops and open-air markets are scattered throughout. You can walk down the same street half a dozen times and find something new every time. But be careful crossing those streets – London’s black cabs and red double-decker buses brake for no one.

London feels like a giant neighborhood most of the time, but that feeling vanishes when you get to the busy streets. Pedestrians crowd sidewalks during every hour of the day, causing one to ask, “Don’t these people have jobs?” Most people explore the innumerable clothing stores for the latest fashions…as with any big city, fashion is top priority.

If they’re not ransacking the clothes racks, then they’re probably eating in one of many American fast food restaurants: Pizza Hut, Subway, Starbucks and, of course, McDonald’s. Most of these American creations are strangely upscale…McDonald’s recently created a menu of healthy deli sandwiches. I can only interpret this as a sign that the Anti-Christ is coming. Soon.

~Zac Cummings

Look for part 2 of Zac’s adventures later this weekend!

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