You know, sports wouldn’t be what they are without fans. The entire atmosphere is changed when you’ve got crazed, angry, passionate fans doing whatever they can to inspire someone, something to happen.
There’s no way anyone would roll down hills, chasing balls of cheese if it wasn’t for fans. There’s no way people would make themselves look foolish with extravagant beards if there weren’t fans around to comment and congratulate them on their talent. We even need to congratulate NASCAR fans because they must be the easiest-to-impress fans around, watching cars drive in circles. (more…)
When I was younger, I was a great champion. I’m talking like 10-time champion of one of the world’s most amazing spectacles. In my hey day of being one of the greatest pumpkin seed spitters of all-time, I was followed and mobbed wherever I went. Everyone wanted a piece…you don’t understand how many seeds were shoved into my mouth with people yelling at me to “shoot it a mile!”
Kind of reminds me of that scene from Lord of the Rings, the really awesome one where the elf brings down an elephant by its earring....maybe this sport also needs some elves...
Some of the world’s craziest sports were definitely influenced by alcohol. They had to be—no way some of these strange games could have been created if people weren’t intoxicated.
One sport that admittedly was started after a “drunken lunch” was elephant polo. The game takes what is relatively normal in some places, polo, and adds the most powerful land animal on earth.
The World Series of Elephant Polo is played out for a week straight in Thailand, Nepal and Sri Lanka. It is truly a sight to see: goofy men seated atop elephants, being “driven” by mahouts (natives) with long mallets. The rest of the rules are pretty similar to normal polo. The biggest difference? Elephants are fast. (more…)
It counts as cardiovascular exercise if your heart races right?
I’m a fiend. I can admit that. It really is a disease, this video game stuff. I know it is not really a sport, but to me it is. I am always in the pursuit of perfection. I search for ways to better my skills. I can work on a team or by myself. I even sometimes sweat when I play.
I’ve been playing video games forever, but I started living them in college. My friends and I went through ridiculous sessions of the NBA 2k series. We skipped dinners to play. We had player introductions with the lights out. And there was this one time we bet $100 dollars, double or nothing, on a game. It was, is, crazy. So much so that someone did a documentary on our “psychoness.” (more…)
I see naked people...Walking around like regular people...They don't know they're naked.
Ever heard of the Nude Olympics? I guess there is such a competition; this has actually been going on for close to 20 years. Here’s one of the original commercials advertising it as “The Start of Something Big.” Whoever came up with that pitch is a either stupid or a genius. Greeks just seemed to love naked bodies.
Look at all of those sculptures. Everyone is always naked. It’s an obsession.
I just don't get it (image courtesy of http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2106/2198595833_43d58cf6ea.jpg)
It looks like a mix of skiing and Friday nights at the roller rink. Think ATL (the movie) and spice it up with some crazy, juiced-up females. I’ve seen videos of the sport numerous times, but still can’t quite figure out what the hell the point is. Or how you even score a point.
Women’s roller derby is the black sheep of all the weirdest sports out there. It isn’t disgusting or crazy enough to warrant the respect of the world, such as the previously mentioned dwarf-throwers or eating contests. It is a game anyone can play at any skating rink around the world. In fact, back in the day, circa 1996, my boys and me probably were doing things similar to this on every Friday night. (more…)
This week, I’m bringing you another Youtube highlight. Last week was a psychopathic, World of Warcraft fiend. Now, here’s another spectacle of utter uniqueness. It’s called Russian Pole Dancing. And there are good-looking women gyrating and getting their Miley Cyrus on. And it’s awesome.
You would think the best moment of the recent pole-dancing championship would have had something to do with a wardrobe malfunction, but it didn’t. Check out this video where this pretty young thang loses control and falls, bringing the pole with her. I know, the nice guy in me is saying, “Make sure she is alright…” but I still let out a little cackle every time I see this:
After a few neutral warm-up moves, the girl starts to spin around on the pole. No clue how she does this. She starts picking up speed like a penny in one of those circular drains. Hair-flapping around. Fat jiggling (wait…no, she weighs like 27 pounds). The judge’s heads are probably rotating in accordance with her body, causing severe neck muscle workouts.
Then, all of a sudden the pole just tips over. She goes down with it and the pole smashes right into her face. A few people rush over to make sure she isn’t dead and the girl lays there for a few seconds, probably lavishing in her embarrassingly bad luck. Hey, at least she is a Youtube icon now.
I’m sorry, forget her feelings, forget the competition, forget any bodily damage she garnered. That is hilarious. Klutz.
I think her Luke Skywalker robe must’ve kept her from hitting the floor too hard. That has to be how she didn’t end up in the hospital. Or, maybe she just lost all feeling in her upper extremity nerves after being upside down for so long. Either way, I am definitely going to attend one of these “competitions” at some point. Who’s with me?
Has anyone seen this (fake or real?) video, “Greatest Freak Out Ever?” Couldn’t have articulated it any better. It is indeed of EPIC proportions.
Basically, some geek lost his “World of Warcraft” account, the virtual game synonymous with suspenders, wedgies and taped-up glasses. Some of the highlights include the kid trampling into the room huffing and puffing. This is so funny. He’s pacing back and forth like some type of caged animal. Put this video in black and white, digitally place some bars in front of the screen and we have ourselves a little recording from the 1940’s. The world’s first Siberian Tiger in captivity, ladies and gentlemen.
This marathon freak out doesn’t stop there. He starts hissing and fists-stomps his bed. Someone give me another animal analogy because I can’t figure out what he sounds like: a spider monkey or a frightened deer? This part might be the single, greatest gorilla impersonation I’ve ever seen. He doesn’t even need the suit.
As the video goes on, it feels like something takes over his entire body. The kid starts to convulse rapidly, doing the world’s worst complete-body, carb burner workout. This ‘aint The Exorcist. What is going on? The dude’s body just starts pulsating all over the place, stretching like Gumby.
“I wanna run away and never come back…I swear, you’ll never see me again!”
The kid is at the point now where the depression over the loss has zapped all of his will to live. I wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled a can of gasoline from under his bed and chugged.
The rest of the video screams mental-health institute. He’s now in his underwear, trudges in and out of his closet and attempts to use a remote as a sex tool.
“I hate my life!”
People, please attempt to emulate. This is awesome.
One of the most overlooked and impressive character traits in some of the world’s greatest human beings is the ability to eat colossal amounts of food. Food-eating contests are among the universe’s most amazing spectacles. In some cultures, people are more likely to watch a bunch of goons chew on spam than fill up a stadium. Here’s a quick rundown of a few of my favorite contest highlights:
Ken Edward of England once set a record by eating 36 cockroaches in one minute
Kobayashi has ate 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes
And Chris Hendrix set a world-record for crawfish eating: 331 of the critters in a dozen minutes
And of course, you can always challenge a friend to a cat food eating contest to cure yourself of hangover, like these terrific athletes:
I wanted to spend a little time explaining the name of this blog, The Greasy Pole. No, there are no sexual connotations. It actually is a reference to one of the weirdest, mind-boggling, most awe-inducing games I’ve ever seen.
Every year during St. Peter’s Fiesta in Gloucester, Massachusetts, a long, wooden plank is lathered up with layers of grease. The objective is to get across it and grab a red flag at the end of the plank. The plank is placed about fifteen feet above water, forty or so feet out into the ocean. And crazy people dress up as drunk Santas and Happy Gilmore.
I went once — I live about 30 minutes away — and was floored by the sincerity of the moment. Was it supposed to be a joke? I couldn’t fathom asking someone, especially when there were reporters there covering it and when one of the contestants was introduced as the two-time defending champ.
Crowd watching man on greasy pole, courtesy of wikipedia
But, the competitors put on a hell of a performance. In front of a crowd splashed all over the shore, faces blooming red from hours of Corona-downing barbeques, the “athletes” swam out to the plank. One group, clothed as Michael Jackson and his masked, tiny companions, refused to get their costume prematurely wet and hooked a ride.
The very first guy, dressed to invade Longshanks castle, screamed at a group of fans on the shore before racing off across the plank. He didn’t make it halfway before slipping, going face-first into the water.
“HAHAHAHAHA…thass what you gets…forsdksd…” the dude next to me yelled, speech slurred by too many Blue Moons.
The next person tried to walk the plank, being as precise as possible. On like his fourth step, his foot lost traction and he went straight down. You could almost hear the crack of nuts against the plank. He dropped weakly into the ocean. Everyone on the beach cheered his clumsiness.
The third contestant to try, with a beer in his hand, crowed “Woooooo” and didn’t even attempt the plank. He just turned and jumped into the water, taking a swig from the can on the way down.
Then, I saw one of my classmates from school there. Oh, shit! Before she noticed me, I put my head down, pushed my fitted farther down my forehead and tried to make a quick escape. No way was anyone finding out Monday morning what I spent my Sunday afternoon doing, which was watching this:
