Getting Vaccinated, Ladies, Are You Retarded? Michelle Bachmann Says Yes.

I was recently informed that my hard-bitten political musings are a representation of me as a writer both personally and professionally. I guess that holds some cause for concern, but the way I see it is if Laura Bush can get away with Involuntary Vehicular Manslaughter, then I still have a decent shot at Secretary of State despite calling Tea Partiers stupid. Oh, you didn’t know? Laura Bush killed a guy.

So, with that out of the way I’d like to move onto another bit of monumental political stupidity that has become so proudly part of our lives as Americans. Apparently, and I did not know this, you ladies out there who have received the HPV vaccine Gardasil run the risk of mental retardation. And by “retarded” I mean the medical, Sarah Palin-friendly sense of the word, not the typical use normally associated with Mrs. Palin.

This striking medical news is according to presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann, who is also well known for enlightening us about the fictitious $200 million a day presidential visit to Asia as well as asserting that slavery produced a ‘mutual esteem’ rather than, oh I don’t know, mass oppression, racial subjection and a belief in genetic superiority.

What a Grand Ol’ Party.

For my first post here concerning politics, I guess it would be pertinent to give you a little bit of a story about my family’s political background, which is best summed up in one brilliant misadventure I endured that truly embodies everything the Grand Old Party is about. I was on a family trip once with my aunt, uncle, cousin, grandmother and my uncle’s brother and his family.

As you might imagine, this wasn’t one of those ‘drink yourself into a coma’ vacations, mostly thanks to my fake ID getting taken away. Thanks, Mom. But I digress. You remember way back–now this is a stretch–think back to when we believed in change and believed so strongly in that ‘Yes we can!’ motto. Back when Sarah Palin was a laughing stock and not a role model for reality TV parenting. Yeah, that time.

Remember it? There, hold it. This was back then. Bush was still president, Obama had yet to prove his legitimate birth and be labeled the next Karl Marx. Anyway, I picked up one of the magazines at their townhouse, opened past the slew of Goldline and AARP adds to find an article praising the ‘liberation’ of Iraq.

Last Week’s Gooey Celebrity Goodness

Comedian Ralphie May was approached by a cute pooch on October 4, in the Guam airport. Thinking the dog just really liked him, May pet the dog and did not walk away. Turns out, Fido was a customs dog, and Ralphie was a stoner. Yup! Ralphie May was caught with some tree.

Teen Queen Miley Cyrus was dissed last Saturday night on SNL by newbie Vanessa Bayer, who got her raspy voice, hyper confident, “pretty cools” down pat. Cyrus was made to look like a complete idiot, no doubt.

Real life teen mom Bristol Palin finally called it permanent quits with ex-fiancé Levi Johnston, who starred in a music video that unfairly dramatizes Sarah Palin’s disapproval of the teen’s relationship with her baby daddy. Well, if you haven’t guessed by now: Palin. Is. Pissed. Not to mention, how embarrassing is that!? If my boyfriend ever mocked out my family he’d be history! Whoever this singer is needs to pick up a couple of hours at her local Kmart and call it a day.

~Julia Fuino

Meet Glenn Palin [PIC]

I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

[via The Daily What]

Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, and Feminism, Oh My!

Executive Web Editor extraordinaire for Jerk Magazine, Kate Holloway, inquired my thoughts via her Facebook status after the blog-o-sphere exploded concerning the newest accusations concerning Sarah Palin and feminism.

In my book, Sarah Palin does not support feminist ideals, therefore it is difficult for me to associate her with the progressive, never-ending fight for equal rights between genders. Scratch that—it’s nearly impossible for me to consider her a feminist.

Strong women exemplify components of feminism no matter what—Palin’s leadership in her otherwise lacking party is admirable, especially considering current gender roles in politics. Gender aside, I would never elect an individual to greater office who chose to step down from their position as Governor in order to write books, appear on Fox news as a contributing analyst, and signs deals with TLC for reality shows. Woman or man—that can’t be my next President.

A Palin Party?

It’s Old Hick Herself!

Here in D.C., the talk of the town never veers too far from analyzing the facebook musings of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. In the ranking of issues of interest, it goes something like: re-election, re-election, Sarah Palin’s facebook, re-election, sex. And so, I shall contribute and propose a possible senario: Sarah Palin as Andrew Jackson.

In what respect, Kevin? Mini-history: Andrew Jackson’s “outsider” candidacy is largely credited with super-charging the Democratic Party by winning the presidency with grassroots popular support arising from widespread populist discontent over the powers that be. Jackson was the anti-elitist candidate. Palin may not have led troops against the British — but she’s sparking populist tea parties left and (especially) right.

The National Equal Rights Party and 2008 Election

In the spirit of women’s history month I’m going to discuss one more throwback issue: The National Equal Rights Party of 1884. Ever heard of it? Yeah, me neither. That is, until my history of women’s suffrage class this semester. Apparently Geraldine Ferraro, Hillary Clinton, and Sarah Palin weren’t the first females to be taken seriously in a U.S. Presidential election.

This was the first woman to run for U.S. president...

M.J. Gage, Lizzy Stanton, and Suzie Anthony all supported this party, as did the rest of the suffragists. Presidential candidate Belva A. Lockwood and Vice Presidential candidate Marietta Stow were involved in the first serious national campaign that included women.

It bothers me that I was 19-years-old when I learned this crucial part of American history. It bothers me that it’s not public knowledge and universally known. I wish I was wrong, and I wish more people were aware of this historical moment, but they’re not. I’d like to know why this is something conveniently left out of mainstream curriculum?

I am especially perturbed that this valuable piece of information was not brought to my attention, or anyone else’s for that matter, during the Presidential election of 2008. There was a truckload of buzz about Clinton and Palin being the first serious potential female candidates to be elected into the White House. This lack of news credibility thanks to the media only furthered this political myth. Yet again, the media played a role in shaping our thoughts and ideas on a critical issue.