Congratulations! You’re in a new relationship! And while the girl your friends set you up with is different from EVERY girl out there, realize you’re still going to encounter this conversation:
Girl of Dreams: “OH MY GOD you don’t watch “BLAH”?! I’m making you watch “BLAH”! It’s my favorite EVVUUUURRR!”
You: Okay! (You’d do anything for her!)
But this is still new, and you don’t know everything about her yet, so here’s your chance to turn “BLAH” into a learning experience. Here’s what to expect from this girl down the road, depending on what “BLAH” is.
Any HBO show. This girl is already out of your league, sorry. Prepare yourself for violent, neck vein-inducing political debates laced with quotes from The Newsroom. Don’t try to win though; anything you say is ignorant. While this girl will bust your balls in all things ethical and historical, she’s still lingering around the TV for True Blood and Sex and the City, so there is a wild side. Warning: Position yourself away from the TV while embarking on any sex-capades with your lady unless you want to see her eyes flicker from Eric’s hot vampire body, to your beer-filled figure, then back to Eric where they stay for the duration of the act.
Pretty Little Liars. Go to Tops. Go to the aisle with the tissues. Buy the aisle. This girl cries a lot. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing; you can use her tears to start that saltwater aquarium you’ve always wanted! If she’s watching one of her teen soaps and isn’t crying, she’s probably gaping at the TV in shock- CAN YOU BELIEVE WHO WAS JUST SHOT?! Neither can she! This girl is fun though. She’s the kind that will get really excited about a costume party, but in a fun way. She’ll probably make your costume for you, too. So there’s that.
Every NBC show that’s ever been on. This is me. I’m an NBC whore. If you put a peacock in the corner of the screen I’ll watch whatever’s playing for three years at least (Except Whitney). What to expect from us: we subconsciously want to be a character on one of our dream shows so as a result we turned out weirdly TOO quirky. We won’t sleep with you right away because Liz Lemon taught us not to, but what she did teach us to do is eat a lot so if you want to go get a grilled cheese sandwich we’re down.
Adventure Time. Don’t know what this show is? Well that’s how it’s going to be with everything this girl likes so get used to it. You’ll catch on though- she wants to “expose” you. A typical date with this girl will consist of seeing a foreign film, driving around aimlessly and admiring “the bustle of life” that she scoffs you for not noticing before, and will probably end with you guys laying in her driveway smoking cigarettes. If you’re lucky maybe you’ll get a group of her friends to run around a field with you guys while holding sparklers.
- Taylor Kowalski