Archive for November, 2011

 Miami, Florida. Just the city’s name brings images of bikinis, sunshine, beaches and wild parties to mind. Nowadays, it also makes people think of plastic surgery.

The number of people getting work done by surgeons has increased over the years despite its high cost. One Miami woman decided to sacrifice quality for cost when she went to a “doctor” she’d been referred to by word of mouth. Her goal was to get a “curvier body” by getting butt implants so she could get a job at a nightclub.

The woman, Oneal Ron Morris, she found for the surgery only posed as a doctor. Morris was “born a man” but “identifies as a woman,” and has allegedly performed the surgery not only on herself but on other unsuspecting customers as well. The “toxic concoction” Morris injected in several areas around the woman’s butt consisted of “cement, mineral oil and flat-tire sealant.”

Morris is charged with “practicing medicine without a license with serious bodily injury.” The police only discovered the scheme once the injuries of the Miami woman previously mentioned became too severe for her to bear the embarrassment of telling doctors what Morris has done during previous visits. No other victims have come forward, most likely due to the same embarrassment she faced.

The description of Morris provided in the Gainesville Sun article just adds to the bizarre nature of the whole incident. Hard to believe anyone would entrust his or her health in any way with someone who tells patients: “‘Oh don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We just keep injecting you with the stuff and it all works itself out,’” when “the pain became too intense.” That statement definitely inspires confidence…not.

-Erin Elzo

Words o’ Wisdom: Imani Coppola Edition

Posted: November 30, 2011 by jerkmag in WORDS O' WISDOM
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“Live in the moment, and you’ll never go out of style.” – Imani Coppola

For most people who have traveled within and around Europe, Ryanair is synonymous with cheap flights. Now, it may add pay-per-view porn to its in-flight repertoire, furthering its notoriety for developing “different” kinds of commercial ventures.

Melissa Locker summed up the idea by Ryanair’s CEO Michael O’Leary best in her TIME article: “Yes, the company that charges customers to check-in online and at the airport, may now be helping customers join the Mile High Club from the comfort of their seats.”

O’Leary originally released a statement about the new “service” to the British tabloid The Sun. He explained that the porn would be available “on handheld devices” instead of the typical viewing options for other entertainment services on the screens placed on seat backs. He compared the service to those offered by hotels. However, concern has been raised over the public nature of viewing such kinds of films during a flight where children might be present.

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Carousel Mall made headlines on Black Friday after a girlfight ensued during the midnight opening of Victoria’s Secret. Neither I nor my co-workers know exactly what caused the fight, but it has definitely made for a quality YouTube video. So thank you, to whoever it was that happened to be the innocent bystander to the atrocity that you see here in this video.

This further proves my point that Black Friday is not only worthless, but is a fight just waiting to happen. There is so much tension, chaos and competition to be the first one in the stores that Black Friday has even proven to be life-threatening. It’s not just Wal-Mart dealing with the crazies anymore. The Black Friday dangers have carried into your local lingerie store. But really, all this for a $5 for $26 panties deal? Ladies, come on now.

Our “sales” lasted the entire day long. There was no reason for the mile-long line that wrapped around the mall of shoppers looking to get into our store, or any store. (Unless it happened to be called Best Buy because then it would be understandable.)

Here is both my suggestion, and future business plan:  I will take part in next year’s Black Friday as a consumer, rather than an associate. I will wait in line starting two days beforehand. I will be one of the first people in line, waiting for that shiny new plasma screen TV. Then, just as the store is about to open, I will sell my spot to the highest bidder. Or, just get the damn TV and take a hammer to it in front of everyone.

-Julia Fuino

A look from the collection

Earlier this month, a portion of Marc Jacobs Spring 2012 collection was reported stolen in London. Apparently, they were “burgled in the Mount Street area,” a very posh area in London. The police reported that there was approximately $63,528 worth of merchandise in the shipment. Considering this is the time when the collection would start being passed around for editorials and to celebrities, what will Marc Jacobs do without the garments?

Well according to the New York Times, the stolen shipment contained duplicates and that the original version shown on the runway still exists. Also, considering the large volume of the shipment, it is assumed that only a part of the collection was stolen because it would be worth much more.

Therefore, the day will be saved in time to allow the collection to be successful. This comes as a relief even though the company will have to spend the money on production all over again. Good thing they can afford it.

-Nadjma Sako

There isn’t a better combination than The Shins’ third studio album “Wincing the Night Away” + studying for finals + a Syracuse rainy day. If you aren’t familiar with this band’s work yet (a lot of you probably know them from the popular indie film “Garden State”) you should definitely give them a listen. But might I warn you, their hit song “New Slang” and my choice for Song of the Week sound completely different. But, they’re both really good so you should listen to each of them.

“Sea Legs” is one of my favorites off of “Wincing the Night Away.” It’s relaxing, yet not slow enough to make you want to fall asleep. This is for anyone whose musical taste ranges from Elliott Smith to Spoon to Zero 7. It’s one of those songs that just works from start to finish–perfect for people who like electronic indie rock or even your classic acoustic sound.

So, with the stress of trying to finish the semester on a good note, give yourself a break and kick back while listening to “Sea Legs.”

-Elizabeth Kahn

To the delight of elementary school children and college frat boys everywhere, pizza can officially be considered a valid part of an everyday diet.

Congress declared pizza – or, more specifically, the tomato paste on pizza – a vegetable this past Monday, after it finalized a version of a spending bill that would reverse the Agriculture Department’s proposal of healthier school lunches.

Potatoes (read: french fries) were also on the edge of extinction in the Agriculture Department’s proposition for school lunches that would ultimately limit sodium intake and push children to consume more whole grains and actual vegetables.

Thank goodness for the Republicans on the House Appropriations Committee, who saw error in the Agriculture Department’s plan of keeping children healthy.

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