Graduates — A Look at Your Future [PIC]

[via The Onion]

World’s Smartest Cat Knows 8 Languages (is way smarter than you)

The wunderkind himself, Cuty Boy

Cuty Boy, a persian cat from Dubai, could kick your ass on the SATs.

His owners claim this feline phenom knows 8 languages (English, French, Arabic, Persian, and Gujarati, to name a few), and he’s a math wiz.

“I tested him in algebra, geometry, Pythagorean and square roots, and he was right every time,” Sahadevan Panicker, a mathematician at the Gulf Modern School, told India’s Khaleej Times.

Whether or not you believe in Cuty Boy, we can all enjoy his personal website–which comes complete with tacky Indian music and a welcoming message written by his owners to sound like Cuty Boy himself. In it, he warns:

“…please remember that I am not a cat and should not be treated like one.

Yahoo! Answers: of Justin Bieber, Homosexuality, and Manic Depression

[via The Internet is Terrible]

Vending Machine FAIL

I hate when this happens.

[via FailBlog]

Mich. State Student Caught with 79 Pairs of Underwear

According to The Huffington Post, a 19-year-old Michigan State University student faces possible charges after being caught by police with 79 pairs of stolen underwear, each and every one of them being thongs.

One can’t help but wonder the reasons behind this fetish—a lack of exposure to thongs on the regular, perhaps? Said student told the police that it was simply a prank and does not have any kind of sex addiction.

Maybe this poor schmuck doesn’t have a sex addiction, but creeping in laundry rooms and stealing up to 15 pairs of panties at a time is definitely twisted.

By the way dude, you can have all my thongs, I’m in the market for some new underwear anyway.

~Krystie Yandoli, Blog Editor

Words o’ Wisdom: Keep it in Your Pants Edition

“Be careful when you slut out.” -Anonymous

Playboy’s Top 10 List of Party Schools

UT-Austin, Playboy's #1 choice. Take note: this makes them super cool.

It’s that time of year again. For all anticipating [rather, drooling] dudes out there, Playboy just released their top 10 list of party schools online. Both respectably and surprisingly, Syracuse University doesn’t exactly make the cut, but the following schools get shout-outs regarding their excessive drinking and hookups:

1. University of Texas at Austin
2. West Virginia University
3. University of Wisconsin-Madison
4. University of Miami, Florida
5. East Caroline University
6. Arizona State University
7. Rollins College
8. University of California Santa Barbara
9. Plymouth State University
10. University of Iowa

My favorite part of this list is the “honorable mentions” section—it sheds light on “the college that sounds fun but isn’t” (UNLV), “the best name for beer pong” (beer pong), and “the worst course” (tree climbing at Cornell University).

Potential goal for next year: an honorable mention for SU in the “Best College Drinking Innovation” category. The current winner is “The Flabongo, a beer made out of a lawn flamingo.”

Sweet analysis, Playboy.

Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, and Feminism, Oh My!

Executive Web Editor extraordinaire for Jerk Magazine, Kate Holloway, inquired my thoughts via her Facebook status after the blog-o-sphere exploded concerning the newest accusations concerning Sarah Palin and feminism.

In my book, Sarah Palin does not support feminist ideals, therefore it is difficult for me to associate her with the progressive, never-ending fight for equal rights between genders. Scratch that—it’s nearly impossible for me to consider her a feminist.

Strong women exemplify components of feminism no matter what—Palin’s leadership in her otherwise lacking party is admirable, especially considering current gender roles in politics. Gender aside, I would never elect an individual to greater office who chose to step down from their position as Governor in order to write books, appear on Fox news as a contributing analyst, and signs deals with TLC for reality shows. Woman or man—that can’t be my next President.

Bristol Palin Preaches Pregnancy for The Privileged Only

Dear Bristol Palin,

Celebrating my 20th birthday meant a few things: one more year until I’m legal, Syracuse beat Villanova in a historical NCAA basketball match-up, and I dodged the possibility of falling victim to teenage pregnancy.

There has been a surge of teenage pregnancy in popular culture throughout the past few years, like Ellen Page’s famous breakout role in Juno, MTV’s reality show “16 and Pregnant,” and ABC Family’s hit series “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” While pop culture has a strong hold on this subject matter, I’ve been aware of your baby situation due to all of your media appearances.

Of all the appearances and publicity stints, this new Candies commercial really takes the cake.

Words o’ Wisdom: Abe Lincoln Edition

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.”
-Abraham Lincoln