Words o’ Wisdom: Happy Halloween Edition

“Oh man, how come it’s always the ugly chicks that stay out late?”
-Hocus Pocus

Burrowing into the Ink

"Look it that, a picture that actually relates to this post!" (credit: domystore.com)

Books I read (at least in part) this week, that will not be discussed in this post:

Edisto by Padgett Powell

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

The Lost Estate (Le Grand Meaulnes) by Alain-Fournier

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Book I read (in full) this week, that I will be discussing in this post:

Multiforce by Mat Brinkman

Multiforce, is Brinkman’s collection of the 2000-2005 comic strip of the same name.  Published mainly in the Providence-published comic newspaper, Paper Rodeo, the strips are unlike any comic strip I (or you) have ever encountered.  Fer realz.

It’s hard describing Multiforce’s story.  It revolves around a bunch of elves, monsters, ghosts and other creatures as they wander around a post-apocalyptic landscape, fighting, gliding, and going to concerts.  I think.  See, It’s difficult to know exactly what’s going on, because there are multiple story threads sprinting parallel and colliding with one another.  Oh and there’s like a hundred characters, a lot of whom are never named (though of those named, Lam Zang, the Space Dragon surfer, was my favorite).  It probably sounds confusing and it is, but it’s also awesome.  It’s like reading Thomas Pynchon; at some point you just need to stop thinking and let Brinkman lead the way.

Words o’ Wisdom: Friday Edition

“I always knew I shouldn’t have said that.”

-Jon Stewart

Words o’ Wisdom: Kind of a Creeper Edition

“Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.”

-Chuck Palahniuk

Words o’ Wisdom: Jerkin’ Wednesday Edition

 

Just a couple of Jerks.

“Some people have a way about them that seems to say: “If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk.” 

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

 

 

Problem Island

With an all-star comedic cast, Couples Retreat was destined for greatness from the get-go.

Vince Vaughn, John Favreau, and Jason Bateman are as hilarious as I expected them to be together. The crowded theatre roared with laughter as Jason (Bateman) pulled an imaginary gun on his therapist, Dave (Vaughn) got bitten by a shark, and Joey (Favreau) tried to seduce his masseuse (needless to say, he wasn’t successful). Oh yeah, and let’s not forget when they were all violated by a man in a banana hammock (Carlos Ponce).

The movie begins with four couples that get a great deal on a vacation, but their island paradise quickly turns into hell when they find out they have to participate in couples therapy and attempt to save their failing marriages in order to stay.

"Is his junk out? Now it's a party"

So it is a tad predictable, but what romantic comedy isn’t? Let’s face it, we’d be mad if they didn’t end up the way we wanted them to, and yet we still complain about being able to guess the ending as soon as we see a preview.  When you think about it, romantic comedies can only end in one of two ways anyway: either the boy gets the girl or he doesn’t. And we all know what a piece a crap the movie turns into when he doesn’t (cough, cough, The Break-Up, cough). I guess Vince learned his lesson.

All in all, Couples Retreat made for a wonderful afternoon out (hooray for matinees and poor college students), and I suggest you see it if you’re looking for a laugh with a little romance on the side.

~Kelsey Benett

Sous-chefs, Duck, and Bacon on a Sunday Night

There it is--the first piece of meat I've ever cooked.

There I was on a Sunday night, all by my lonesome, cooking duck for the first time in my life. Actually, I was cooking meat for the first time in my life, unless bacon counts.

It’s a little depressing to eat something delicious alone. Or at least to cook for two hours only to eat something delicious alone is a little depressing. But I’m quite a misanthrope, and even more of a glutton.

After being cooped up in your apartment doing homework all weekend, you just want somebody to eat Chinese Five-Spice Duck with Mushroom Ravioli Sautéed in Bacon and Rapini with. So I guess it’s pretty lucky that one of my high school friends texted me: “Hey Rox what’re you up to?” He was in Syracuse for the night, and wanted to, y’know, maybe meet for coffee and catch up.

Little did he know he’d end up my sous-chef. Mohammad showed up later with his attempt at being adorable and giving me a housewarming gift: about a quarter of a crumpled bag of hot fries. 

I can’t reduce wine for shit. It sat on the stove for twice as long as it should have, and I ended up with a congealed, purple layer of goo in the bottom of my lovely Paula Deen non-stick pan. I guess the bacon was a problem too. I’ve cooked bacon before, I swear. But somehow it went straight from raw to burnt in the skillet. We had to scrap half of it.

The best sous-chef ever.

All in all it was pretty good. Chinese Five-Spice Blend is cinnamon, anise, cloves, ginger, and star anise, and it tasted amazing on the duck. My whole apartment smelled like cinnamon and cloves. I think I overcooked it a little, but undercooked poultry is a lot worse. And Mo must have enjoyed it, because he really did offer to do the dishes, insisting that it’s his “favorite part.”

Even though it goes against my misanthropic nature, I like cooking for people. I think making something delicious for somebody else is not such a bad way to spend time with them. I mean, if you absolutely must be around people, that is.

~Roxanne Broda-Blake

America Loves Lindsay Lohan’s Face

Lindsay Lohan's face in 1998.

This week Americans read these apparently important headlines: Boy Trapped in Flying Saucer, Kanye West is Not Dead and WTF is Up With Lindsay Lohan’s Face? I learned from pop culture this week that subjects such as a celebrity’s face deserve as much coverage as the President’s press conference on health care.

Many “news” Web sites (or tabloid sites and blogs, I should say) wrote articles and produced photo slide shows that compared an older photo to a newer photo of Lindsay Lohan’s face. They questioned her new appearance, simply asking readers, “What happened?” No actual news accompanied this story –she just looked a bit different, so these sites reported that.

I became rather curious as to what really happened, so I thoroughly studied www.USMagazine.com’s 12-photo slide show that featured Lohan’s face through the years. Here is what I found:

The solution is rather simple. She’s older, she wears a lot of make-up -everything from bronzer to a generous amount of eyeliner and eye shadow- and her weight fluctuates. Of course Lohan’s face looks different than it looked when she played the lead in The Parent Trap in 1998.

What’s Your Caption? Round 2!

Out of all three comments last week, the best caption for The New Yorker cartoon was: “A little x over the not, there, now it reads ‘thou shalt covet they neighbor’s wife’…let’s get to it,” courtesy of Kate.

But only three comments? Come on people, we can all come up with MORE ideas than that! Here’s a second shot: come up with your very best idea for the very best caption possible.

A Gift From Russia To Us

 

Best competition ever...(image from topnews.in)

This week, I’m bringing you another Youtube highlight. Last week was a psychopathic, World of Warcraft fiend. Now, here’s another spectacle of utter uniqueness. It’s called Russian Pole Dancing. And there are good-looking women gyrating and getting their Miley Cyrus on. And it’s awesome.

 

You would think the best moment of the recent pole-dancing championship would have had something to do with a wardrobe malfunction, but it didn’t. Check out this video where this pretty young thang loses control and falls, bringing the pole with her. I know, the nice guy in me is saying, “Make sure she is alright…” but I still let out a little cackle every time I see this:

After a few neutral warm-up moves, the girl starts to spin around on the pole. No clue how she does this. She starts picking up speed like a penny in one of those circular drains. Hair-flapping around. Fat jiggling (wait…no, she weighs like 27 pounds). The judge’s heads are probably rotating in accordance with her body, causing severe neck muscle workouts.

Then, all of a sudden the pole just tips over. She goes down with it and the pole smashes right into her face. A few people rush over to make sure she isn’t dead and the girl lays there for a few seconds, probably lavishing in her embarrassingly bad luck. Hey, at least she is a Youtube icon now.

I’m sorry, forget her feelings, forget the competition, forget any bodily damage she garnered. That is hilarious. Klutz.

I think her Luke Skywalker robe must’ve kept her from hitting the floor too hard. That has to be how she didn’t end up in the hospital. Or, maybe she just lost all feeling in her upper extremity nerves after being upside down for so long. Either way, I am definitely going to attend one of these “competitions” at some point. Who’s with me?