“Can you put extra sugar in my coffee?” ”Sure, do you want me to take my top off too?”
Excuse me, what?! Sound a little ridiculous to you? Well, in Everett, Washington this isn’t such a stretch of the imagination.
Grab and Go Bikini Hut is a coffee stand where the employees are women that serve coffee to customers while wearing bikinis. There have been reports (over 40 complaints in the last year) that these women not only make coffee, but also charge people who want to look at and touch them.
A two month undercover police investigation found that the women were even seen “licking whipped cream off of each other and posed naked for pictures at the Grab and Go.” Last Wednesday, five of the girls were arrested for prostitution. (more…)
I basically harassed my lovely editor Kate at Jerk proofs all weekend long after being dumped by my serious boyfriend of three years who was non-debatably the love of my life. She mentioned that the Jerk Blog didn’t have a sex writer and that it might be the perfect antidote to my current problem. I also [weirdly] feel like it might bring out a more humorous, positive aspect of my personality. So friends and followers, here goes my first blog about SEX for the Fall semester.
I don’t exactly have the typical sex life of a single college student. Wow, I’m single. Weird. But I do promise that if I encounter any kind of sexcapades I will most definitely blog about them. At the very least, I promise to provide you with my most brilliant analysis and advice—without any juicy details of my severely lacking sexual activity as of late.
Even though Syracuse, New York isn’t exactly the most glamorous backdrop to romantic or romping intercourse, I’m going to try my very hardest to entertain you; shitty weather and a lack of decent sex shops are not going to bring us down. Instead, Syracuse is going to learn how to get down.
I’m going to try my best to channel the definite Carrie Bradshaw that I KNOW exists within me and then kick her whiny ass with her own royal blue Manolo Blahnik pumps.
Although she’s a sorry excuse for an independent woman, she did have one piece (of slightly hypocritical since she always needs SOMEONE to bail her out) advice:
”As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.”
When said boyfriend decided to break my heart, I thought my life was over (please don’t pity this pathetic sex blogger), but by listening to Ms. Bradshaw and picking up this uber sexual writing gig I’m slowly “buckling up” and keeping on keeping on.
Stay tuned for future posts about sex icons, the porn debate, the “walk of shame”—or is it?—and more!
I love experimenting with facial hair. Sometimes, it’s a lil’ goatee. Once in a while, I try out the soul patch. I even grew a Fu-Manchu this one time in undergrad. Thank God I took a picture. Classic. Whenever I do attempt to grow a beard, it never stays long. See, my natural hair color is like orange or something, so I can’t walk around looking like an orangutan.
image from: worldbeardchampionships.com/ yes the website exists
In other places though, men clamor to grow the best-looking beards. There is even a World Beard and Mustache Championship. The reigning first-place winner has a sort of weird half-beard, half-weave thing-a-ma-jig. It is enticing.
Believe it or not, communities all over the world relish the chance to develop obscure, heinous, even beard-growing sports. And that’s why I’m writing: to give y’all the update on what sports you need to try before you go six feet under. We might just go to Llanwrtyd Wells in Wales to swim in sewage-smelling, insect-dripping rivers in the World Bog Snorkelling Championships. Bring your water-floaties.
While trying to decide what I was going to write, the Jerk editors offered me the chance to go to some nudist colony to try some crazy game they play. I’m all set with that. The game probably entails a lot of ball-handling.
Dwarf throwing - fun for all...even the dwarf...who doesn't love flying? (image from http://www.minbu.connectfree.co.uk/dwarf.htm)
But, dwarf-throwing has got to be the greatest game ever. I personally have never participated though there was this one time I accidently shoved this kid in gym class. He was up to my navel, so maybe that counts. The real sport is actually pretty simple: you throw little people. Or as some are attempting to get the name changed to, you “propel persons of restricted growth.”
The game’s web site says the best dwarf-throwers possess “the strength of an ox, the speed of a leopard, the timing of a magician, the patience of a predator and the appearance of a rather large bull sitting on a wasp.” And oh yes, alcohol is encouraged, as is a patented beer-gut. As for the actual action, it is pretty minimal: just aim and throw and hope your dwarf goes the farthest. Please, someone get this game into the Olympics.
So please come back to this blog every once in a while. If you like riding horses, we can talk about the man vs. horse marathon. And if you are small, maybe we can throw you. But, excuse me until next week. I have to go tighten up this beard that’s coming in.
Man hug between the two hottest actors on Glee? CHECK!
The president of the Celibacy Club getting preggers? CHECK!
Teaching a football team Beyoncé’s Single Ladies dance? CHECK!
FOX’s scorching hot new show, Glee, aired its’ fourth episode this past week, and what an episode it was. If the title “Preggers,” didn’t make you crack a smile, the opening scene with Kurt (Chris Colfer) dancing in a leotard to Beyoncés Single Ladies must have done the trick. The whole episode was set to the theme of Beyoncé’s music, but no, Kanye West did not interrupt once with, “Yo Kurt, I’mma let you finish, but Beyoncé had one of the best dance moves of all time!”
Along with a catchy selection of music, which included tunes from West Side Story, Celine Dion, and of course Beyoncé, there were so many interwoven storylines packed into 43 minutes of airtime. Fake pregnancies, real pregnancies, “auditions” to be William McKinley High’s new kicker, club competitiveness, football players patting their own butts to the music, Internet blackmail that did not involve sex tapes, a football team’s dramatic first win, and even coming to terms with one’s sexual orientation evoked laughs, gasps, and sighs of relief this past week. The writers introduced and pulled all the stories off beautifully, but I personally loved the baby mama drama. (more…)
Haven’t you always wanted to be present for one of those moments when everyone simultaneously breaks into song with Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer?” The mood changes, everyone is connected and smiling, and nobody has to say it, but everyone’s thinking it–damn, life is good.
Music has that general effect on the world; we have Cameron Crowe to thank for this particular scene and the emotion that follows. Crowe found a way to get a glimpse into that inexplicable thing about music that makes it so amazing and put it into a movie.
Lorna’s Top 5 Music Movies (in no apparent order):
It’s a classic scenario. Boy meets girl, girl announces they’re dating and the next week tabloids announce that boy and girl are engaged. Girl then confirms the news that in a few days she’s getting married.
The happy and delusional couple.
Wait, that hasn’t happened to you or your friends yet? Oh, right, if you’re reading this blog, then you’re probably not a “celebrity.” As Khloe Kardashian, 24, and her family taught me this week, in celebville, meeting someone and then marrying them four weeks later is “romantic” and completely normal (in order to boost your show’s ratings).
On Tuesday September 22, at 3:28 am EST, Stephanie Pratt tweeted, “I can’t fall back asleep and I have to be up in 2 1/2 hrs to share my views on the economy crisis and stock market on the CW News.” Looks like the CW news is going to have to fire some of their employees, because whoever would ask Ms. Pratt for her economic opinion is obviously confused.
She can barely form full sentences between her blank stares on the super awesome “reality” show, “The Hills.” I really hope her interviewer asks her who Bernie Maddoff is, and no Stephanie, he’s not an MTV producer whom you need to suck up (or down) to in order to keep your whining butt employed.
But seriously, what do you know about the current economic crisis? I saw you featured in US Weekly at least once a month this summer, wearing Louboutin heels, Gucci bikinis and Chanel sunglasses. My deepest apologies if you just could not afford that diamond Cartier necklace to go with the rest of your designer ensemble, must be rough. So, please Ms.Pratt, for the sake of our country and our sanity, keep your trap shut and your opinions (if they are even your own) to yourself.
Aren’t you supposed to be off somewhere designing purses anyway? Try and stick with what you know.
